subtext and superglue is equated to a death wish
by whimsicism
Summary: By the way, subtext is an anagram of buttsex... Very mild lime, nearly undetectable, so don't worry about it! Oneshot.


**A/N: Sorry for the long hiatus! I just got a full week of my holiday stolen... and the stack of homework is glaring at me over there...**

**The idea is credited to a conversation between a classmate and I... on a sugar high.**

**WARNING: References to lime. Very, very mild lime. Nearly undetectable lime.**

**Feel free to notify me if you want the rating shifted up to an M.**

**ENJOY!!!**

* * *

"What are you doing now?" Roy stared at Edward, raising his eyebrow.

Perched on the bed, Edward squinted at a tiny dot of glue on a model arm, cautiously dropping a tiny wood chip onto it before placing it on top of a stand, heaving a sigh of relief and collapsing on the bed.

"A model arm? Since when did you get into this sort of thing?"

Edward yawned, closing his eyes. "Since I told Winry that I wanted to try repairing my own automail so that I no longer have to trouble her. She wanted me to build a model arm for her." Getting up, he took the stand. "I'll take this to the next room now."

Roy flopped onto the bed, tossing his tie aside and thinking vicious thoughts about the various ways in which he could torture Edward for ditching him almost straight after he had arrived after work.

When Edward finally returned, he lay down on the bed, fully prepared to fall asleep uneventfully next to his apparently sleeping partner. What he saw when he opened his eyes ten seconds after shutting them was Roy's face, three inches away from his own, and hands on either side of his head.

* * *

_Fifteen minutes later..._

Roy cursed, attempting to move backwards. "I'm stuck!" he muttered to Edward, embarrassed.

Edward paused for a moment, confused. "Wha?" he frowned as suspicion dawned upon him. "Um, which tube did you grab just now?"

"Isn't it the one on the bedside table?"

"Didn't I put that in the drawer after last night? Hand me the tube." Edward hissed in pain as Roy stretched his arm as far as possible to pluck the tube off the bedside desk.

"What would this be if it isn't _lube_?"

"I was working with superglue before you came back," Edward whispered sheepishly, "I think I _might_ have forgotten to take it to the other room."

"Then what do we do now, idiot?!"

"Why don't you call the ambulance?" Edward suggested, making sure to sugar-coat his voice. He decided to not mention the reason that he was not moving his flesh hand away from Roy's shoulder.

"And how do we get to the phone, genius?" Roy was more annoyed than he had ever been in his life. While his gay relationship with Edward was already a widespread rumour and was perfectly legal, it was another matter entirely to confirm it, especially when it was because he had used superglue instead of lubricant.

"Use the walkie-talkie? It's in your uniform somewhere, I think."

"You do know that the only people I can contact with it happen to be a bunch of guys who have had their girlfriends stolen by me and a lady who has been watching my back since the war, right?"

"Fine, that's out, then." Edward conceded gloomily. "But the phone is only a few feet away."

"Try moving an _inch_ like this!" Roy was already trying to think of a way to get to the phone without killing them both with sheer agony.

Roy slowly leaned forward, picking Edward up, edging off the bed and nearly tripping in the process. Finally, as soon as he had grabbed the phone with a trembling hand, supporting Edward's weight in the other, he cautiously inched back towards the bed, sideways.

As soon as they were in the relative safety of the bed, Roy frantically dialled the number of the local hospital, cringing when he heard the chipper voice of an obviously new receptionist on the other end.

"I've got superglue on my hand, so now it's stuck. Is there any way to get the superglue off?" Roy asked, prudently deciding to avoid mentioning what exactly was really stuck.

"Oh, why don't you try thinner?" the receptionist chirped back as if it wasn't three in the morning. "It works wonders for superglue problems! Seriously, you wouldn't believe how many people have the same problem..."

Roy highly doubted that anyone had ever mistaken superglue for lube before. "Thanks anyway." He broke off the call, wincing at the mere thought of what thinner could do to what he was to use it on.

Exasperated at being stuck this way until the end of time, which was precisely how long Winry had claimed the superglue to last, Edward snatched the phone, narrowly avoiding crushing it with his automail, before dialling for an emergency ambulance.

"What problem do you have?" A considerably less chirpy lady answered the call this time.

"Superglue."

"Use thinner." She replied dismissively, about to drop the call.

"No, wait! I don't think I should use thinner in this sort of situation!" Edward yelled, frantic, immensely relieved when the woman asked him to elaborate.

"Just send an ambulance to the Fuhrer's place!" Roy snapped into the phone. "And hurry up!" without waiting for the woman to stammer a reply, he cut the call and tossed the phone onto the bed.

* * *

_Twenty minutes later..._

Roy was extremely thankful that the two of them had no need of locking the door because they lived only by themselves as several medics entered the room. He hated the thought of having to wait while the door was in the process of being broken down.

Stunned silence ensued.

Roy fixed the group with a steely glare. "Well?" he demanded, challenging them to comment on the rather uncommon situation.

Professionals that they were, they managed to get them into an ambulance on a couple of stretchers, all without so much as a well-warranted giggle.

* * *

_One month later..._

"Is it superglue or lube, this time?" Roy eyed the tube suspiciously.

Reaching over, Edward felt around the tube. "Lube!" he declared, sinking back into the pillows. "Firstly, it's slightly greasy. Secondly, I coated the superglue tube with superglue to make it rough enough to tell easily. That enough for you?"

"As long as I don't have to go through that again." Roy shuddered, remembering the operation, which had lasted hours, most of the time having been spent to wondering how to get them both apart.

Edward merely grinned, pulling Roy in for a kiss.

* * *

**A/N: Cookies and candy to reviewers! (yay sugar!!!) Flames will be used to bake the sweets... meheheheh...**


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